Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Looking forward
So I'm still not feeling the Christmas spirit, but I am ready for 2010. I think that I'll see how many of my 101 things I can tackle next year, and here's hoping that change is in the air.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Crossing the line
An incident arose the other night that has had me pondering the idea of proper etiquette when interacting with people online- specifically, Facebook. I came up with lots of questions and not many answers.
Facebook, to me, is like a giant cocktail party where everyone you know is in attendance. Not all of my friends are your friends, but just as we would have a conversation at a cocktail party among people you both know personally and just met for the first time, does it not carry the same set of rules of etiquette?
If I have a topic of conversation to share, does it pack more punch because I am saying it to 600 people, and, by extension, hundreds of thousands of listeners? Do I need to consider censoring a comment because more people are listening? If I make an a-hole comment in front of 20 people or 20 million, am I not still an a-hole?
If someone said something you disagreed with in a group of a dozen people, would you lash out and call them a d-bag? Probably not. So why is it acceptable behavior in a stream of Facebook comments?
When most of my friends started using Facebook on a regular occasion about a year or so ago, we reguarly dove into detail about someone's status update that week over dinner on Sunday night. It was always bizarre to me that we'd start a conversation seemingly in the middle of the story, in which case, those that hadn't been online for a few days were left out of the loop. Is it ok to carry on a conversation that was started elsewhere without filling in the rest of the group?
What information is appropriate to bring from one side to the other? I have a tendency to be cryptic about some things that I don't want to say outright in the open forum, but those that know me personally understand the message. But is it fair for me to leave out the details for the rest of the audience? If I can't put it all out there, should I keep my trap shut?
Or my bigger question, which got under my skin the other night, can you use what you know offline against me in a comment war online? The other day, I made a seemingly innocuous (to most, I later learned) comment about my less than thrilled anticipation of my aunt's visit for the holiday, my sister shot back a defensive comment that I shouldn't be "publicly trashing [my] family." Most of her comment was triggered by the fact that, offline, we'd been collectively lamenting as a family, the arrival of said relatives for weeks and trying to get to a place of acceptance and peace so as not to create a miserable situation for all of us. I seem to be struggling the most with it.
With that 'insider information,' I can see how my sister read and reacted to what she knew was a loaded comment and was rightfully upset with me for making it. But so many people jumped to my defense about it, both on and offline (let me tell you how strange it was to run into a few people I know around town the next day and be greeted with, "oh my gosh Eunice, you were not trashing your family, God knows we all have those relatives!!") To say that what I said wasn't all that bad. From their perspective, it wasn't, but from hers, I had no right to air my feelings, which has caused an even bigger stir (which has fueled another post topic for me as well) between my sis's household and my own.
This isn't the first time this has happened - I actually lost a job opportunity last year because I had information I shouldn't have had about a former employee and made a vague comment in reference to it on a friend's wall and that person saw what I said, printed it, and showed it to the hiring manager (although I know it wasn't by accident she saw it; she was looking for it, waiting for me to falter). But again, a seemingly innocent comment to the unknowing eye becomes disaster when matched with uncommon knowledge.
So when is it ok to cross-contaminate? What information is OK to infuse into a conversation that isn't common knowledge to everyone participating? Would you do that if the conversation were being had in your living room? And why do we feel it is ok to share things we wouldn't say in a room of people?
And why is it that social graces are allowed to disappear when we can hide behind our keyboards for the things we say, and just hit 'delete' when someone says something we disagree with?
This post probably seems disjointed because it is - I'm typing it on my BlackBerry and so editing it is a pain - but since I have more on this topic, I'll just leave this to discuss for now.
Facebook, to me, is like a giant cocktail party where everyone you know is in attendance. Not all of my friends are your friends, but just as we would have a conversation at a cocktail party among people you both know personally and just met for the first time, does it not carry the same set of rules of etiquette?
If I have a topic of conversation to share, does it pack more punch because I am saying it to 600 people, and, by extension, hundreds of thousands of listeners? Do I need to consider censoring a comment because more people are listening? If I make an a-hole comment in front of 20 people or 20 million, am I not still an a-hole?
If someone said something you disagreed with in a group of a dozen people, would you lash out and call them a d-bag? Probably not. So why is it acceptable behavior in a stream of Facebook comments?
When most of my friends started using Facebook on a regular occasion about a year or so ago, we reguarly dove into detail about someone's status update that week over dinner on Sunday night. It was always bizarre to me that we'd start a conversation seemingly in the middle of the story, in which case, those that hadn't been online for a few days were left out of the loop. Is it ok to carry on a conversation that was started elsewhere without filling in the rest of the group?
What information is appropriate to bring from one side to the other? I have a tendency to be cryptic about some things that I don't want to say outright in the open forum, but those that know me personally understand the message. But is it fair for me to leave out the details for the rest of the audience? If I can't put it all out there, should I keep my trap shut?
Or my bigger question, which got under my skin the other night, can you use what you know offline against me in a comment war online? The other day, I made a seemingly innocuous (to most, I later learned) comment about my less than thrilled anticipation of my aunt's visit for the holiday, my sister shot back a defensive comment that I shouldn't be "publicly trashing [my] family." Most of her comment was triggered by the fact that, offline, we'd been collectively lamenting as a family, the arrival of said relatives for weeks and trying to get to a place of acceptance and peace so as not to create a miserable situation for all of us. I seem to be struggling the most with it.
With that 'insider information,' I can see how my sister read and reacted to what she knew was a loaded comment and was rightfully upset with me for making it. But so many people jumped to my defense about it, both on and offline (let me tell you how strange it was to run into a few people I know around town the next day and be greeted with, "oh my gosh Eunice, you were not trashing your family, God knows we all have those relatives!!") To say that what I said wasn't all that bad. From their perspective, it wasn't, but from hers, I had no right to air my feelings, which has caused an even bigger stir (which has fueled another post topic for me as well) between my sis's household and my own.
This isn't the first time this has happened - I actually lost a job opportunity last year because I had information I shouldn't have had about a former employee and made a vague comment in reference to it on a friend's wall and that person saw what I said, printed it, and showed it to the hiring manager (although I know it wasn't by accident she saw it; she was looking for it, waiting for me to falter). But again, a seemingly innocent comment to the unknowing eye becomes disaster when matched with uncommon knowledge.
So when is it ok to cross-contaminate? What information is OK to infuse into a conversation that isn't common knowledge to everyone participating? Would you do that if the conversation were being had in your living room? And why do we feel it is ok to share things we wouldn't say in a room of people?
And why is it that social graces are allowed to disappear when we can hide behind our keyboards for the things we say, and just hit 'delete' when someone says something we disagree with?
This post probably seems disjointed because it is - I'm typing it on my BlackBerry and so editing it is a pain - but since I have more on this topic, I'll just leave this to discuss for now.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Cranky.
I realize that lately, I have sounded totally bitchy and whiny, but I suppose it's with good reason. I really hate the turn that my life has taken and I feel stuck not being able to change it as quickly as I would like.
My whole purpose in coming to Arizona this summer was to re-establish myself, figure out how to integrate my photography into my life, and go back to Denver to a super fun job that would pay the bills for the next few years and allow me to tuck some savings away.
As most of you know, that didn't work out as planned. And of course, the procrastinator that I am, did not have a plan B securely in place. Which has led to all of the anxiety & frustration that I have subjected all of you to lately.
Now, I have no idea where to turn, what the next move should be, or where I am going in life. To add salt to the wound, when I was talking the other night with the guy I've been dating, I was telling him about the job that I was hoping to go back to (which I had unofficially been working for prior to coming to AZ). He said, "wow, it sounds like you really loved that job, why did you quit?" "They never actually hired me."
It's too early for me to reflect back on 2009, but it hasn't gone even close to as planned. Sure, there were some highlights and low lights and everything in between. But for now, I need to find a way to snap out of this bitchy funk I've been in so I can attempt to enjoy the holiday.
My whole purpose in coming to Arizona this summer was to re-establish myself, figure out how to integrate my photography into my life, and go back to Denver to a super fun job that would pay the bills for the next few years and allow me to tuck some savings away.
As most of you know, that didn't work out as planned. And of course, the procrastinator that I am, did not have a plan B securely in place. Which has led to all of the anxiety & frustration that I have subjected all of you to lately.
Now, I have no idea where to turn, what the next move should be, or where I am going in life. To add salt to the wound, when I was talking the other night with the guy I've been dating, I was telling him about the job that I was hoping to go back to (which I had unofficially been working for prior to coming to AZ). He said, "wow, it sounds like you really loved that job, why did you quit?" "They never actually hired me."
It's too early for me to reflect back on 2009, but it hasn't gone even close to as planned. Sure, there were some highlights and low lights and everything in between. But for now, I need to find a way to snap out of this bitchy funk I've been in so I can attempt to enjoy the holiday.
Monday, December 07, 2009
and somehow, it's my fault.
I envy those of you that have great relationships with your mothers. I never have, and even when I have the desire to try, I am still doubtful it will ever happen.
Think of her as Emily Gilmore, and I, Lorelai. I think that pretty much sums up our relationship in a manner most can understand.
My mother, like Emily, is a (self-declared) blue blood who really should have married a Kennedy or Rockefeller because she was intended to live a high-class life, I'm sure of it. Her holier-than-thou primadonna attitude makes me crazy. She'll fake nice with everybody one the planet, but when she's mad, her eyes will cut daggers through your heart. She thinks her daughter is a misguided soul and prays every day she'll come to her senses.
I, on the other hand, am the free-spirited Lorelai, who lives by her own set of rules and finds happiness in the little things, even when life isn't perfect. I think my mom is stuck up and needs to learn how not to sweat the small stuff.
She is the queen of getting stressed out over nothing and taking it out on everyone and everything in her sights. Not that we don't all do that from time to time, but my mom is like perpetual PMS! This is one of the key reasons I chose to move 700 miles away.
Most of the time, we manage to coexist, even when my futile attempts to be helpful are usually greeted with complaints.
For example, a few weeks ago, when I came home from Denver to learn that my parent's Internet had been cut because they hadn't paid the bill, I offered that my mom use my wireless card so she could send an important e-mail to her boss (well, as important as a file pertaining to quilting can get), she accepted. And then complained because the connection was slow. And then bitched some more a few days later when the software interfered with the wireless network they have the office set up on that runs the fax and printer as well as the Internet. I never even got so much as a thank you for the offer.
Or this weekend, I pitched in to cook dinner, and made a delicious cod chowder, which she had a few choice comments to make about the ingredients she didn't care for. The next day, she flat refused to eat the meal I made because she didn't approve of the fact that I had put a little pepper jack in to boost the flavor. Too bad, because it was damn good.
Oh, and yesterday, when I went out in the freezing cold and wind to bring in enough wood to heat the house for the night and today,and she didn't even so much as bother to offer to help, nor did she show any concern when I dropped a huge round of wood on my ankle, worried for a bit that it might be broken. Instead, she yelled at me to keep my kid out of her hair while she sewed.
With all that in mind, the past few days have been a slow simmer, waiting to hit boiling point.
So tonight, when my mom came home in the snow, I didn't bother to offer to help her bring in the groceries and I didn't bother to offer help with dinner. And when she turned on the wrong burner and burnt a hole in her precious stovetop, the only thing I felt was pure anger, when she blamed me for it.
Apparently, when I made my dad a thermos of coffee old-school fashion this morning, I emptied the teapot completely, which I missed the memo that I wasn't supposed to do. So when she turned on the burner, the teapot got too hot, and in her fervor to rip the kettle off the stove, rather than letting it cool down, she ripped a hole in the glass top. When I mentioned that it seemed odd that the kettle would have done that, she said that the water must have boiled out and she hadn't noticed. When I mentioned that there must not have been much water left in there after I used it this morning, she then proceeded to yell at me as though it was solely my fault. Then she went off to my dad about how her "whole life was ruined because the one nice thing in her life was ruined." I think thousands of dollars of sewing equipment would argue otherwise, but I digress.
When I pointed out how petty and materialistic she was being, she said that if she threw my camera in the toilet, I'd be pissed. To which I agreed, but pointed out that had she simply knocked it off the table and broke it, I'd be much less upset because it was an accident.
Since the incident, she's spent the past two hours in her craft room talking to what sounds like everyone on the planet, telling them all what *I* did. And find it amusing that she takes no blame for the incident, nor has she apologized for flying off the handle at me for it.
From criticising my parenting/cooking/photography skills to her overdramatic complaints of having to work (in a quilt shop) all day and drive home in the snow (like we all had to do), I am just so done with it all. Ugh. I am seriously ready to quit trying with her.
Think of her as Emily Gilmore, and I, Lorelai. I think that pretty much sums up our relationship in a manner most can understand.
My mother, like Emily, is a (self-declared) blue blood who really should have married a Kennedy or Rockefeller because she was intended to live a high-class life, I'm sure of it. Her holier-than-thou primadonna attitude makes me crazy. She'll fake nice with everybody one the planet, but when she's mad, her eyes will cut daggers through your heart. She thinks her daughter is a misguided soul and prays every day she'll come to her senses.
I, on the other hand, am the free-spirited Lorelai, who lives by her own set of rules and finds happiness in the little things, even when life isn't perfect. I think my mom is stuck up and needs to learn how not to sweat the small stuff.
She is the queen of getting stressed out over nothing and taking it out on everyone and everything in her sights. Not that we don't all do that from time to time, but my mom is like perpetual PMS! This is one of the key reasons I chose to move 700 miles away.
Most of the time, we manage to coexist, even when my futile attempts to be helpful are usually greeted with complaints.
For example, a few weeks ago, when I came home from Denver to learn that my parent's Internet had been cut because they hadn't paid the bill, I offered that my mom use my wireless card so she could send an important e-mail to her boss (well, as important as a file pertaining to quilting can get), she accepted. And then complained because the connection was slow. And then bitched some more a few days later when the software interfered with the wireless network they have the office set up on that runs the fax and printer as well as the Internet. I never even got so much as a thank you for the offer.
Or this weekend, I pitched in to cook dinner, and made a delicious cod chowder, which she had a few choice comments to make about the ingredients she didn't care for. The next day, she flat refused to eat the meal I made because she didn't approve of the fact that I had put a little pepper jack in to boost the flavor. Too bad, because it was damn good.
Oh, and yesterday, when I went out in the freezing cold and wind to bring in enough wood to heat the house for the night and today,and she didn't even so much as bother to offer to help, nor did she show any concern when I dropped a huge round of wood on my ankle, worried for a bit that it might be broken. Instead, she yelled at me to keep my kid out of her hair while she sewed.
With all that in mind, the past few days have been a slow simmer, waiting to hit boiling point.
So tonight, when my mom came home in the snow, I didn't bother to offer to help her bring in the groceries and I didn't bother to offer help with dinner. And when she turned on the wrong burner and burnt a hole in her precious stovetop, the only thing I felt was pure anger, when she blamed me for it.
Apparently, when I made my dad a thermos of coffee old-school fashion this morning, I emptied the teapot completely, which I missed the memo that I wasn't supposed to do. So when she turned on the burner, the teapot got too hot, and in her fervor to rip the kettle off the stove, rather than letting it cool down, she ripped a hole in the glass top. When I mentioned that it seemed odd that the kettle would have done that, she said that the water must have boiled out and she hadn't noticed. When I mentioned that there must not have been much water left in there after I used it this morning, she then proceeded to yell at me as though it was solely my fault. Then she went off to my dad about how her "whole life was ruined because the one nice thing in her life was ruined." I think thousands of dollars of sewing equipment would argue otherwise, but I digress.
When I pointed out how petty and materialistic she was being, she said that if she threw my camera in the toilet, I'd be pissed. To which I agreed, but pointed out that had she simply knocked it off the table and broke it, I'd be much less upset because it was an accident.
Since the incident, she's spent the past two hours in her craft room talking to what sounds like everyone on the planet, telling them all what *I* did. And find it amusing that she takes no blame for the incident, nor has she apologized for flying off the handle at me for it.
From criticising my parenting/cooking/photography skills to her overdramatic complaints of having to work (in a quilt shop) all day and drive home in the snow (like we all had to do), I am just so done with it all. Ugh. I am seriously ready to quit trying with her.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
The perpetual student
The crazy job that I had this summer was awful, educational, and inspirational. Mostly because it was so messed up that I want to be able to write case studies on it for a long, long time.
I think I want to go back to school. Actually, I know I do, I just don't want to bear another huge load of student loans, so I'm looking into some of the new financial aid options to see what's available. I'm thinking finish up the bachelor's and move on to the master's.
So then the question is, do I go to school in AZ or in CO? And do I study photography or continue with business?
Or am I just thinking I want to do this because I am currently unemployed and feel like I am not qualified for any of the jobs I could do alongside my photography business until it blooms?
I think I want to go back to school. Actually, I know I do, I just don't want to bear another huge load of student loans, so I'm looking into some of the new financial aid options to see what's available. I'm thinking finish up the bachelor's and move on to the master's.
So then the question is, do I go to school in AZ or in CO? And do I study photography or continue with business?
Or am I just thinking I want to do this because I am currently unemployed and feel like I am not qualified for any of the jobs I could do alongside my photography business until it blooms?
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